How to be the Best Drunk Ever

The weekend is fast approaching so I thought I would give everyone some pointers on how to be the funny happy drunk that everyone loves instead of the shitty crying drunk that everyone wants to punch in the throat. I know both routes pretty well so I thought that I would be the best person for this...

First things first you need to go in the night with a positive attitude. In your head, I want you to be thinking "I'm being funny tonight. I'm going to be drunk and everyone is going to worship my free-spirit and fun-ness." It's okay to get a little cocky at this point. After you have sufficiently reassured yourself of this it is time to spread the word! Last weekend I did this by sending a lil text to a friend I was going out with that said "Can't wait for tonight! Let's be funny drunks!" Everyone needs to be aware that this is the goal of the night and ultimately it will get you pumped up for all the fun things you're going to do once the night begins. I get that I sound a little bit like a faggot right now but just bear with me.

Next, I want you to drink tequila. I've tested this theory numerous times and I can honestly say that tequila never sets you up for a bad night....especially when you're chasing it with pickle juice. Steer clear of your vodkas and other hard liquors. Vodka tastes like ass anyways. If you're not down with tequila, which I know many people aren't, your next best bet would be beer. Beer also never fails. I suggest either bonging or shotgunning it to an upbeat song.

Finally, I want you to act upon every dumbass thought that enters your head while you're out and already sufficiently wasted. A personal example I can give you for this is kicking a guy in the nuts while on your friends back and then shouting "IM A FIESTY MIDGET!" Other ideas include screaming at the top of your lungs for no apparent reason, convincing people to buy you drunks because you have a disease and only have a couple days to live, trying to pay cover with 5 cents Canadian tire money, and stealing random people's belongings from the bar such as jackets, cell phones, purses, or whatever you can get your hands on really...

So there we have it ladies and gents! Call me biased but I would say these tips are pretty much foolproof.... ;) Added bonus if you implement them for St. Patty's day as well......

CHEERS :)