A
WARNING before you read this post: these tips are not for the light weights,
party poopers, or fun-suckers. Tips given may make one more tolerable to
badass-ness and reckless behaviour. We’re
going to let you in our every one of our devious and useful tricks to getting a
decent buzz on when you go out—levels of intoxication will vary.
A
little background on how we have come to discover these tips: We are girls in
university, and for all of those of you who know what it’s like living the
student life, you know what it’s like to be ballin’ on a budget. You will also
know how hard it is to resist going out and drinking with your friends. This is
why we are here, to show you that there is a best of both worlds—for girls that
is. Fellas, I’m not sure you’re going to benefit much from this.
1.
The Pre-Game: NOT PRE-DRINKING, never call it
that. If you’re not familiar with this method it is drinking before you go out.
This tip is essential for many of the tips to come because it will give you the
liquid courage needed to execute them. Here you will attempt to get decently
drunk before departing to your local downtown/bar scene. One major tip for
pre-gamming: DON’T BE THAT GIRL/GUY. If you don’t know what I mean by that,
than you’re probably that girl (or guy)—the one who gets too drunk and has to
be taken care of, is puking before making it to the bar, telling everyone that
you love them, crying, etc. It is crucial to avoid being this person.
2.
The Visitor: “Hi, this is my cousin _____! She
is visiting/moved here from_____”. Yes, we’re telling you to lie. It sounds
bad, but ladies, men are fools. Even though half the time they know you’re
lying, it will either get you a drink or a laugh. The key to this one is making
sure that you have a good name to tell them, and a good country. Go with
something fun and sexy like Brazil or Sweden (depending on how your chosen
“foreign friend” looks of course… be as believable as possible).This will work
(as it has for us) to get you a few drinks and potential funny stories to
reminisce on the next morning. And yes,
we are aware that we are bad people.
3.
The Birthday: Have an old light up “Birthday
Girl” pin/sash/crown lying around? If yes, well then you have what you need to
have yourself a fake birthday! This one is a gold mine. People will buy you
shots left and right. Don’t be afraid to be the loud, happy, and obnoxious
“IT’S MY BIRTHDAY!” girl and tell everyone and anyone.
4.
The Bartender: Make friends with the bartender.
But don’t be overly flirty, or they will most likely just think you’re some
drunken chicks trying to get drinks. The trick is to joke around with them and
buy them a shot first. Sarcasm works extremely well for us, but we have
mastered the art of that. Sometimes sarcasm can come off as you being a bitch,
you don’t want that. But if the bartender is your friend, free alcohol is in
your future.
5.
The Sneak-In: You’re completely not allowed to
do this… but do it. Bring in your own alcohol. The best suggested method for
this would be purchasing a re-usable fold-and-go water bottle so that it’s
flexible and easily hidden, and when you’re done it won’t take up space in your
clutch.
-The Girls
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